Cold Understanding
by ArtemisPrime
Summary: Simon is a little possessive about the few things he has left in the 'verse. Set after the BDM.
1. Chapter 1

Cold Understanding

Disclaimer: all things Firefly/Serenity are the property of Whedon et al. I'm not making any money off this, just playing with the toys.

Kaylee shivered.

"Are you cold?"

She looked to Simon sitting next to her, his left leg pressed close against her right and she shivered again. "No, not now." She smiled her special smile to him and ran her fingers down the back of his neck.

He shuddered and smiled himself. He leaned over and kissed her, feeling her fingers curl into his hair, tightening. She shifted her body, allowing her closer contact with the doctor. He took the cue and moved to meet her. Their chests now hugged each other and their hands went roaming. Their lips and tongues continued their explorations until Simon broke away, panting lightly.

"We should find somewhere more appropriate," he said then rose.

Kaylee grabbed his proffered hand and was about to lead him through the infirmary door in front of them when she felt him hold steadfast. "Simon?"

His eyes were wide and she could see a red tinge to his cheeks. "In there?" He eye gestured to the medlab.

Kaylee grinned and shrugged. "Sure. Why not?" She stepped closer and took hold of his ear with her teeth. "Be kinda fun. 'Sides," she tugged on his lobe, "ya didn't complain in the engine room."

Simon remained rooted. The engine room had a door with a tiny window and was at the end of the ship. But the infirmary? It was surrounded on three sides by windows. But beyond that, it was the one place of refuge where he felt like he belonged. The only place on this whole ship where people respected his abilities, let alone his opinions, and where he could remember what it was like to be someone important, and not in the escaped fugitive sort of way. He needed it to remain wholly his.

She leaned back and eyed his expression with a light smile. "We just done sat here out in the open." She motioned to the lounge.

"I know. It's just...I mean..." He gulped.

Kaylee narrowed her eyes. "You embarrassed by me?"

"What? No. What?" He looked to her. "Of course not, Kaylee."

She flashed her grin. "Then come on." She tugged on his hand.

Taking a deep breath, Simon followed her in, letting his emotions get the better of him. Kaylee then shut the door. "That better?" He nodded then turned the lights down. It may have been late on the ship, but folks might still walk past and he didn't want to encourage any spectators.

The blue cast comforted him, memories of late night trauma sessions and emergency room situations coming to the fore, reminding him of who he was. He smiled again and felt Kaylee begin, losing all semblance of reason as her hands began to once again turn his mind to jelly.

00000

They sat on the floor, backs against the far cabinets, recovering their breaths. Simon's thoughts were completely jumbled. Good thing his mouth was slightly numb; if he tried to utter any of those thoughts, Kaylee might think him a madman.

There was one thought, though, that replayed through his brain and it involved some praising of God and thanking Buddha. He chuckled, grasped her hand and brought it to his lips.

Simon watched Kaylee rise and don her coveralls once more, her body shivering the entire time. "You cold, bao bai?" He stood behind her now, lightly running his hands down her arms.

She nodded. "A little." She faced him after pulling on her flowered shirt. "I can't believe you ain't."

He shrugged. "It feels warm in here to me." He smirked. "I think that you may have had something to do with that." He kissed her cheek. He couldn't believe he thought that he had to keep the infirmary 'pure'.

She smirked a little. "Aw, that's sweet a ya." She let her eyes wander to the dimmed lights. "Maybe we could get ya some different lights. Somethin' a little less chillin'."

Simon stiffened a little. She wanted to change his room? His room? "Uh, well..."

"Sure!" Kaylee was on a whirl now. "And maybe paint it yellow. No, red! Like Inara's shuttle used t'be. Maybe put up some flowers. And then here-" She moved to the sink.

"Kaylee," Simon said, watching her flit about. He went to the counter where she had moved a piece of equipment over and placed it back in its original spot.

"And then some nice little-"

He ran a nervous hand through his hair, feeling his stress level rise. "Kaylee!"

"Huh?" She faced him. "What's wrong, Simon?"

He breathed deeply to gain a measure of calm. He placed his hands on her shoulders. "This is an infirmary. A clinic. It's where medicine is done."

Kaylee picked up on the tone, as though the good doctor was addressing a child. "I done know that." She stepped out of his touch.

His mind worked to try to find some way to tell her that he would not allow his sanctuary to be meddled with. A little fun was okay, but nothing permanent. This was his room, same as the engine room was hers. "It's just that I need to have it a certain way."

She could almost feel the pale lights sapping her heat. "But it don't got to be so cold, do it?"

He blinked twice. "It's not."

And that was when Kaylee realised who Simon Tam was.


	2. Chapter 2

Cold Understanding II

Disclaimer: all things Firefly/Serenity are the property of Whedon et al. I'm not making any money off this, just playing with the toys.

00000

Simon sat on his bed, blankly staring at the floor in front of him. He rested his back against the wall with his legs stretched out and recalled himself sitting in a very similar fashion the night before. His time with Kaylee had been wondrous, but also heartbreaking as she stood staring at his face with a look he couldn't describe as anything other than disappointment. Whether it was more in her or in him, he was unable to say.

His brow creased; the sex had been so good. Maybe that's all it was.

He drew a refined finger across his dry lips, memories coming alive of Kaylee doing the very same with her own digits. He released a slow breath. She was the best lover he ever had. She knew the right moves, the right sounds and the right motions to make him feel alive. He felt his toes tingle and his breath catch when she kissed him in that special way. His brain became electric as she pulsed around him. He savoured her touch, how she played across his skin and made him feel as though he was the only man in the 'verse.

Sometimes he wondered if they would be in their situation if Miranda hadn't happened. Emotions had been at their height during that battle. Simon had been terrified at the prospect of losing his sister to those monsters even more than he had over losing his own life. He heard Kaylee's prayer, hopeful that she had lived her life the right way and her death would mean something. It had pushed him to say his words to her. It was sex that had given her the courage to fight.

It was love that had given Simon the courage to not give up.

Simon drew his head back to rest against the wall.

Why him?

There were any number of men that would drop at Kaylee's feet if she gave the word. He knew that she had many lovers before him, all Rim and Border types. He understood that he was different from those experiences; that he was something shiny to be gazed upon and revered simply because he was from the Core. He wasn't Rim. That was enough for Kaylee to cast her eye at him.

The problem was that that simply didn't make for a lasting relationship. And Simon wasn't convinced that was what she wanted. He was a challenge for her, someone who didn't fall easily under her sexual sway. She had to work to get him to see her as more than a mechanic, as a woman willing to give herself to him. Ideas of sexual morality he was raised to believe in were in contradiction to this woman. Another element destabilising his world.

They were different. She was content to go with the ebb and flow of life. Serenity was her family and that was more than enough.

Simon needed stability. He craved a strong foundation. Change came only upon careful deliberation. Attempts at rescuing River demonstrated to him what was important, but now he had her. She was improving, in no small part to them being on Serenity. The ship was her foundation even if it wasn't his.

He sighed at the realisation. He had to find his stability again and somewhere inside him, he knew that Kaylee could not do that for him.

He shut his eyes, dreading what he had to do. There was no further point in trying to delude himself or anyone else; it wasn't right. She was not going to be happy and that was not likely to please the Captain. And an unhappy Mal seemed to result in Simon receiving a fist to his face.

Taking a very deep breath, Simon slid off the bed and stepped into the hall. Before he had gone more than a few strides, he found Kaylee blocking his path.

"Oh."

"Hi."

Simon grinned shyly and willed himself to do what needed doing. "Kaylee, there's something I've been meaning-"

"Simon?" she interrupted. "We got t'talk." She pressed the inside of her lips tightly between her teeth. "About us."

He froze, holding her eyes with his own and understanding immediately what she intended to say.


End file.
